Sunday, March 29, 2009
i feel terrible, slowly im getting jealous of other people particularly with my sister. i dont find her graduation as a valid and enough reason for my dad and his guest to ask her what she wants. grabeh lagi nlng ganto, pag dating skin there is always complications. i never felt special to them. often times im thinking of running away from them, but i sticked to the idea na wag magaya sa pinsan ko. they dont trust me and i feel SO bad about that. i hate them for that, because im a grown person, i have my plans, i have dreams to achieve and i have a lot of frustrations in life. and i think what i needed by now is to learn how to be practical. im, filled with insecurities with my batchmates, my sibblings, cousin. and taht's what makes me worse. ni minsan ksi hindi ko naramdaman na may kumpyansa ako. at may tiwala skin ang pamilya ko. lahay sila lalong lalo na ang ate at daddy ko.pinaparamdam nila skin na wala akong kwenta at palpak ako lagi. minsan pag pinamumuka ni ate skin na mas magaling xa,matalino at kung ano pa.. ung daddy ko naman, pag pinaparamdam nya skin na BUTI pa si ate gn2 ganyan..at ung mga hnd nya pag appreciate sa mga bgay na nakakamit ko at gngawa ko para sknila.. un ung mga panahon na hinihiling ko sa diyos na sana mamatay nlng ako. kaya ayokong umuuwi sa bahay. ramdam na ramdam ko ung pagiging outcast, ung ate ko puro bf nya nlng ung basehan ng decision nya. ung kuya ko naman parang bata. wala tlga nkakaintindi skin. and i hate them all. kung meron man, ung pinsan ko yun.. pero ayaw nila na sumasama ako sknya. hndi sila naging considerate sa nararamdaman ko. gsto ko na makatapos at gsto ko na humiwalay sknila. lumaki ako mag isa, hinarap ko lahat ng problema ko mag isa. kaya ko toh. may iabng tao jan na kaya iparamdam skin ung worth ko. and i can tell na hindi pamilya ko ang makakapag paramdam skin. haha like nung friday nyt hnd umuwi si ate eh may lkakad ako with my friends walang wala akong pera, umutang nlng ako.. tapos sat nyt hnd parin xa umuwi, umutang nanaman ako.. sunday pag gcng ko wala akong makain gutom na gutom ako.. wala akong pera nasa kapatid ko na nasa pampanga dhil sumama sa bf nya samantalang ako hnd nya inicp na nsakanya pera ko. pano sknya bnbgay ng tatay ko dhil un nga wala silang twala skin. oo magastos ako aminado ako kaya hnd nila bnbgay ung lahat ng pera ko. pero gngastusan ko naman ung mga makakapag pasaya skin. sa pagkain lng naman paupunta lahat ng mga overspent ko eh. grbaeh tlga.. gaano ba ako ka walang kwenta para maramdaman ko lahat ng bgay na toh. haii. pakshet. i hate where i am/ and i cant hate what i have because i dont have anything. tama na naiiyak nko. hehe naninikip nanaman dibdib ko. tsk. mag post nlng ako ng another entry kung may mga pangyayari nanaman. hai.
Posted at 3/29/2009 8:48:23 am by nikkicious
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Wednesday, October 18, 2006
umalis na kahapon si daddy papuntang singapore.. daddy's girl ako..
kaya tlgang mamimiss ko si daddy.. sobrah tapos aalis din si ate
pupunta xang bacolod dhil sa unigames.. haii naku.. sobrqang lungkot
ko.. kanina exam na namin.. hnd ako nakapag aral kagabi kc sobrang
lumilipad utak ko.. hehe i won't be surprise if i fail my subjects.. i
was hoping thaT dad will grant my dreamed bday gift. hehehehe.. things
are slowly coming my way.. im happy coz im the one controlling on
what;s happening.. lapit na ng u.n.,, i can feel the pressure,, and ung
tension most of all.. aun,, wala pakong sosootin.. walang mag aayos
skin.. hehe anu nlng ang mangyayari skin noh! hahaha anyway
goodluck.. im hoping na sana makapasok ako sa top 5.. hehe! and sana
may manood skin.. hehe some of my clasm8s were planning to go outing at
matabungkay.. sana mkasama lahat para masya.. hehe!Ü wish me goodluck!
Posted at 10/18/2006 7:16:08 pm by nikkicious
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Saturday, September 30, 2006
haii.. kanina kalaban namin philippine cultural,. aun as usual talo kami at hnd manlang kami naka kuha ng isang set! rarr! bad3p tlga tapos sobrang skit nung likod ng tuhod ko.. hnd ko alam kung bkit.. hnd ko tuloy ma direcho ung left leg ko! tapos pumunta ako sa ue kanina nag try out ako sa volleyball para sa intrams.. hehe tapos nag punta kami ng sm manila! bad3p walang aircon!! rarr! mas malamig pa sa labas ang ginawa namin nila isa nag punta kami sa intramuros.. ako,isa,jeje,(isang girl na tga calcium transferee ren pro nakalimutan ko name),lotty,jane,pat,jerome,billy,jong at mildred... hehe mga nag try out kami kanina.. kakain dapat kami sa intramuros kaso nalibot na namin buong intramuros pero wala manlang kaming nkitang makakainan! haha tapos aun.. nung nkalabas kmai ng intramuros sobrang hnd ko na kaya ksi 2 oras kaming palakad lakas sa intramuros sobrang sumakit na ung bandang likod ng tuhod ko..ayun kaya nag decide ako na umuwi nlang.. hehe! kc ang skit na tlga eh. hehe! aun wala lang.. hehe! pagod na pagod ako sobrah.. hehe kaya papahinga na ako! at nga pla!! talo ang ateneo! bad3p!!!!!!!! mga thomsian na yan!!! madadaya!! buti nga sakanila nung game 1!! kahit anung daya nila kakonchava pa nila referee pero nanalo parin ateneo!! wuahahahaha mayayabang kc cla eh! hahaha ateneo ako!! pero sa volleyball ust ako kc ang mga volleyball player ng ust hnd mayabang! hahaha eh ung mga basketball player kc nila ang yayabang kala mo kung cnong mga gwapo! hahahaha wala lang.. geh pahinga nako!
Posted at 9/30/2006 8:22:10 pm by nikkicious
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Wednesday, September 27, 2006
late ako kanina nagicng.. i woke up 7 am.. hehe that's why im late.! sun.. dumating ako ng mga 9 sa morayta.. tapos aun naicpan kong kumain muna sa mcdo.. at mag paka senti mode.. harhar.. and by the way.. itong ex ko.. pumunta sa bahay namin kagabi around 12:30! haii naku.. awang awa ako sknya nkikitulog xa d2 coz se's tipsy! tapos aun.eh hnd tlga xa pwede mkitulog kgbi d2 kc walang room d2 na vacant.. hehe kompleto kami d2 kagabi.. hehe aun wala lang.. haii.. umuwi agad ako kanina.. tapos pag dating ko d2 sa bahay natulog agad ako.. tapos kanina sa jip 2log nanaman ako.. at take note.. inaantok na ako! 9 plang! at ang dami kong nasagap na chismis ah.. haha infairness.. nagulat ako kay mikee.. bgla akong kinamusta! hehe aun nga pla walang pasok bukas,, at namomroblema ako dahil nawawala ung script namin sa flipino! sana nakay jojo o bermudez un! hai naku.. nkakaasar!! uulitin ko nanaman un if ever! rarrr! bad3p tlga.. hehehe ang hapdi ng tiyan ko.. bkit kaya.. how i wish umepekto na ung slimming pills na binili ko noh,, haii naku,, anyway gudnyt.!
Posted at 9/27/2006 6:26:45 am by nikkicious
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Tuesday, September 26, 2006
kaasar. i baught a slimming pills yesterday worth 400. sb mawawalan daw ako ng gana kumain..! bkit ganun parang walang nangyayari! haii naku.. tapos naiinis ako kc sobrang nahuhuli na ako sa math! parang hnd ko na tlga maintindihan ung dinidiscuss ng teacher namin! tapos late nanaman ako kahapon sa chem kaya as usual hnd ko nanaman naintindihan ung diniscuss ni sir lachica!! haii naku.. si sir.. ok naman xa minsan eh.. kso ang ayaw ko lang tlga.. bkit ganun xa hnd xa namamansin minsan tapos di nya cnasagot ung mga tanong ng studyante nya! hnd ko na alam gagawin ko sa sarili ko.. ang taba taba ko.. parang ang tamad tamad ko.. undecided parin ung course ko.. im in a state of confusion. by the way.. there's this guy who became a big part of my life.. he told me he had sex with a prostitue! YUCK. i really got turned off. sobra. siguro tingin nya kapag ginawa nya un.. he's "in" like the other guys.. duh and bibigyan ka nya ng rason na "lalaki ako natural lang un,.walang kaso" DUH. the point is.. mahiya ka naman, ung dumi ng prostitue you had sex with eh dala mo. MAAWA KA NAMAN SA FUTURE WIFE MO. hnd ka matured kung ganyan ka. tangina mamatay na lahat ng lalaki na nkikipag mate sa prostitue. (sa mga bumabasa sorry kung maxadong exposed) im just concerned. tsaka knowledge narin toh para sainyo.. para maisip nyo rin.. hehe anyway.. ung dadi ko nahablutan ng celfne... darn.. panu na ung mga contacts ng dadi ko.. e aalis pa naman xa.. pupunta xa ng singapore.. anyway.. gudnyt.. im really tired and sleepy..
Posted at 9/26/2006 4:07:34 am by nikkicious
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Saturday, September 23, 2006
ganda ng araw ko.. ang sarap ng gising ko..! hahaha bkit kaya ganun? hehe i woke up 6 am.. kala ko kc may pasok! haha at nag panic ako kc sb ko late nako! haha anyway,, hehe ang baduy ng joke ni lui kaninang umaga.. ahaha.. anyway.. gncng ako ni ate kaninang 8:30 kala nya kc may training.. aun.. hehe tapos kumain kami natulog ako pag katapos ngcng ako mga 11... naligo at nag kita kami ni jonalyn.. kc humiram ako ng book sknya.. hehe! aun wala lang.. ngaun naman.. kakatpos ko lang gumawa ng assignment.. hnd ko alam kung bakit pero tlgang parang ang saya saya ko ngaung araw na toh.. hehehehe... gan2 pla tlga ang totoong masaya noh? walang problema.. wlang bf... wlang tambak na assignment.. walang kaproble-problema! sana ganito lagi... hehe nakita ko na ung costume ko para sa u.n... maganda naman xa khit papano.. but i hope hnd xa mainit.. aun nag hahanap na ako ng mahihiraman ko.. belay suggested na bumili nlng kso.. isang araw ko lang gagamitin un noh.. hnd ko na kailangan bumili.. hehe! aun wala lang.. hehe grabeh ang taba taba ko na tlga! pramis!! rarrrr... hehehe mag papayat na tlga ako! hehehe...
Posted at 9/23/2006 2:26:40 am by nikkicious
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Friday, September 22, 2006
sb ng teacher ko.. just because you are mad or embarrased by a person older or even at the same age... it doesn't mean you have the reason to disrepect him/her,, oo nga naman.. hehe kanina.. habang filipino time.. nag tetext ako.. alam kong bwal un pero i'm having a fight with my ex bf.. den she confiscated my celfne.. and read my text message.. hnd ba nkaka bastos ung ganun... that time.. my state of mind says that i'm in the position para sagutin xa.. and i did,, later on.. she felt sorry for what she caused.. and so i apologize for what iv'e done.. a while ago at home room.. i was chosen to represent italy for u.n,, i was quite excited and yet nervous.. coz it's my first time joining u.n. oh well.. and for what happened between my adviser and lui.. tumapang ako..i really gained courage..for lui,., you taught me how to hate myself.. ngaun.,,i am decided to change everything..i know it's hard but i think i have to.. swang sawa nako sa mga masasakit na salitang naririnig ko sau everytimr na nag aaway tau.. hnd ko na ma-take lahat ng kabastusan na lumalabas sa bibig mo.. weherever you go,, lalaki ka,, hnd ka bakla para mag salita ng kung anu ano about me.. you are the reason why i transfered to u.e! and i hate u for that.. my happiness belongs to jasms.. i really hate my teachers in u.e.! coz they never give me the chance to prove them what i can do..kay maam,, thanks coz you were there to listen whenever i have no one to talk to.. and i'm really sorry for my attitude..
thanks sakanila.. khit nasaktan nila ako.. ok lang may natutunan naman ako... we should forgive and forget.. and we should never say sorry if we have the nerves to do it again.. say sorry if u knw deep widin u that u will not do it again.. life is so short guys.. so we have to make each and everyday special and worth living.. kung iniisip nyo na wala kaung kwenta.. mali un. look at the brighter side.. lahat tau ay may pangit na ugali.. walang perpektong tao.. hanggat hnd ngiging puti ang uwak,, walang magiging taong perpekto.. don't let others judge you., kc khit na bestfriend nyo pa yan o kamag anak nyo.. tau lang ang tunay na nakakakilala sa ating sarili.. kung hahanapin mo ung sarli mo.. isn't it a waste of time to discuss..? alam natin ang ginagawa natin.. kelangan lng natin ng patience sa puso at isipan natin para malaman natin ang mga tanung na nag lalaro sa mga isip natin.. you got to let your heart speak,, for those who are reading my blog.. hope you learn something from me.. 
Posted at 9/22/2006 2:25:27 am by nikkicious
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Thursday, September 14, 2006
the big gap between me and leonard made a big impact in me. i then realized how happy it is being single. how lucky i am to have my classmates. i spent most of my time with my friends..last september 8.. it was our card's day.. may grade was fine except in math. i had a very low grade averaging at 78. mother farter pow-pow! it was too damn low! my highest in my major subject was chemistry, it was not that high compared to others.. but i got the highest grade among the girls in the class. supposdly i belong to the top 10 in the class,, but apparently my adviser did not compute my grade,, because my name is not listed in the grade sheet of sodium. oh well.. it's ok at least i know i'm 98... anyway... hence... i'm really really decided to reduce.! darn im so fat that most of my clasm8s teases me!! it's so annoying.honestly.. i just laughed at them but i'm really getting depressed. haaaiiii..! finally i talked to leonard.. and we are still commtd but then we are not talking,texting and not greeting each other as well... i arrived at school at exactly 6:30.. im with cristopher on our way to the classroom. suddenly leo and i crossd path. without emotions without hello.. we passd each other. at recess leo and i talk for about 5 mins... and it seems like every hurt that i commit turns to nothing. a heart of bitterness resulted a recovery and contentment.
Posted at 9/14/2006 4:22:59 am by nikkicious
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Wednesday, September 06, 2006
things are near to be clarified..
haii nanuod ako ng game ng jasms.. aun xempre inggit nanaman ako.. haii!! nakakasasar tlga..bkit pa ba ako lumipat! nakakaasar tlga.. haii naku! until now is till dont know if im going to admit to luis the truth.. i got insecure when i saw ***** coz i know that luis is courting her.. haiiiiiiii kinakabahan ako kc nkita ako ng trainer ng ue h.s. boys na nag rerefery!! raarrrr gudluck skin!
basta ngaun nag isip isip ko na.. na keilangan ko pag butihan lahat!
Posted at 9/6/2006 3:38:56 am by nikkicious
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Monday, September 04, 2006
anu ba! im really confused!
maybe.. i should take it slow.. hmmm..maybe i have to think first very deep.. ok,, so here it goes.. 1st.. i maybe not really inlove with L.M.S.A... cgro kilig lang ako or na-shockd sa pagbabago ng ichura nya.. 2nd maybe i was just jealous.. coz i found out that he's courting the girl that i met before.. 3rd maybe 1st love rili never dies.. 4th i found the perfect guy in him and im so stupid that i once let him go.. that's why im so giulty.. 5th bitterness.. hell.. wait!!! shoul i tell him how i feel about him? shoul i admit that im falling for him again? what do i do??! waaahh or should i keep it until the day i'm immune about it.. waaahh... haii naku... im so problematic ryt now! cgro.. i'll stay simple nlng.. bahala na.. ill wait for the perfect guy..
Posted at 9/4/2006 4:15:50 am by nikkicious
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